I am seriously not liking this paper. I have absolutely no drive to write it anymore. As previously stated in another post, I have found that part of writing that I really dislike. I am gonna keep working on it cause its a grade, but I am definitely not happy about it. I am sure I will make everyone else in the class pissed at me cause I am so much better than they are at this. Look at me, I am such a pompous ass today. I usually never speak so highly of myself, but forgive me for trying to psyche myself up for this. I am know I am the best writer in the class, perhaps even the best writer of anyone taking 1301. I am sure I can write circles around some of the people who think they are good.
Ok, ok. Enough of me being self centered. I need to focus. This paper has changed course and now I have to figure out how to steer it. I know where I want to go, but covering all the different angles could turn my max 6 page paper into 10 and I really don't want to make it that big as I am sure my English teacher will hate me for that. We have until after Thanksgiving to complete it, but I want this done already. I have to turn in a 2nd draft tomorrow and I don't want to hand over a piece of crap and yes, right now it's garbage. I almost want to just scrap the whole thing and start over, but it does have a few nuggets of good ministerial. Time for me to work a little magic and turn a paper a 5th grader would be proud of into a college level assignment.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Amphibian
This may be nothing at all...but for some odd reason I had a hard time understanding English today. Being that it's my primary language, this has worried me a bit. It was the oddest feeling, expecting to simply understand without any real effort and then actually having to take a moment to think about what was said is so alien to me. I had that same feeling you get when you are trying to speak to someone who is speaking to you in a language you have probably heard of, but cannot really understand most things. I wonder if this has anything to do with my exposure to other cultures lately. I have surrounded myself with both Korean and Japanese languages via various shows and celebrities. I wonder if this is my mind getting used to those languages and now it for some reason isn't seeing English as its only means of audible interpretation. I have been around Spanish a lot of my life, but have never experienced such a sensation before.
I am guessing this feels different because I am not only exposing myself to those other languages, but I am also making a conscious effort to gain a better understanding of them. Sadly with Spanish, I have never had that drive.
Again, I am sure it's nothing, but it was just the strangest feeling.
I am guessing this feels different because I am not only exposing myself to those other languages, but I am also making a conscious effort to gain a better understanding of them. Sadly with Spanish, I have never had that drive.
Again, I am sure it's nothing, but it was just the strangest feeling.
Monday, November 15, 2010
Book Banning
Although I should be jazzed about this assignment, I am not. We were able to select a subject for an augmentative paper, 4-6 pages in length, complete with a works sited page. Although I do enjoy writing, I always feel that i am bastardizing my subjects after a write about them. The last paper I did was an analytical paper where we, again, got to choose our own subject within the bound of it being something that could be thoroughly analyzed. Some people chose a news article, a story from a paper, a poem, etc. I chose a song. i chose it specifically because it was from a song writer who, in his day, was looked at as a John Lennon for Generation X. I did what was required from the assignment, however I don't feel I did it any justice.
I am feeling the same about this paper and all I have done so far is free write and do my works sited page.
I have found that although I enjoying writing, i definitely prefer personal narratives and story telling. I know I can make myself look at this topic as telling a story, just taking the angle of arguing with some one over it. Still, I feel like I am not going to do well on this paper, and it's making me second guess my ability to write cohesively and it's making me think I might be mistaken in my ability. I told my English teach straight out, "I think I am good, but not great" and I get the feeling I am finding a definite weak spot in my talent.
I am feeling the same about this paper and all I have done so far is free write and do my works sited page.
I have found that although I enjoying writing, i definitely prefer personal narratives and story telling. I know I can make myself look at this topic as telling a story, just taking the angle of arguing with some one over it. Still, I feel like I am not going to do well on this paper, and it's making me second guess my ability to write cohesively and it's making me think I might be mistaken in my ability. I told my English teach straight out, "I think I am good, but not great" and I get the feeling I am finding a definite weak spot in my talent.
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Olivia
I am dreaming of this woman and it's driving me insane. Ok, maybe not, but it's peaking my curiosity. I am seeing her almost nightly now in my mind and while I do find her very appealing, I am still wondering why she is there so often. I am more than sure it's because I am listening to her music so often, daily in fact...but that still doesn't fully explain things. The dreams are sometimes different , but the theme remains the same. For the most part, we just talk. We can be walking or sitting on the floor, but we are always smiling and talking. She is a very sweet and pleasant person and I feel the need sometimes to just smile uncontrollably. We talk about random topics. Sometimes music or our lives, although I did most of the talking in that version of this recurring dream.
One very noticeable recurring theme is that I remember her voice. Her voice to me seems so distinctive. She seems to be speaking English and another language at times which answers a question i posed to myself. It's one thing to envision a person in your dream, but it's somewhat unusual for me to not only dream of an image, but also to "feel" their voice, allowing it to leave an imprint. Given that I know who this person is leads me to believe that in my dream the other language she is speaking is Japanese. I do not know very much Japanese so I am thinking either my mind is making it up as it goes along which is why I understand her or the fact that she switches between English and Japanese often enough for me to understand what she is saying.
All I know is that as I write now, namely chapters of my book, I am seeing her constantly and I have stamped her image on the character I have affectionately named "Anna" so that could be another reason. I figure this is actually a good thing as it's keeping my mind on my work and seeing her most nights makes me want to write the story faster.
It's a good thing. I am quite happy with what some people may see as a boring recurring dream where all I do is talk to this woman for what feels like hours. I am beyond content with that though, allowing the comfort of her presence to ease my mind. I have dreamed about her so much, I feel as if her smile will be emblazoned on my heart and mind for a very long time. Given my current confidence level despite my severe lack of friends, her presence is apparently serving as my muse.
Keep me writing, Olivia.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="287" caption="Olivia Lufkin"]
[/caption]
One very noticeable recurring theme is that I remember her voice. Her voice to me seems so distinctive. She seems to be speaking English and another language at times which answers a question i posed to myself. It's one thing to envision a person in your dream, but it's somewhat unusual for me to not only dream of an image, but also to "feel" their voice, allowing it to leave an imprint. Given that I know who this person is leads me to believe that in my dream the other language she is speaking is Japanese. I do not know very much Japanese so I am thinking either my mind is making it up as it goes along which is why I understand her or the fact that she switches between English and Japanese often enough for me to understand what she is saying.
All I know is that as I write now, namely chapters of my book, I am seeing her constantly and I have stamped her image on the character I have affectionately named "Anna" so that could be another reason. I figure this is actually a good thing as it's keeping my mind on my work and seeing her most nights makes me want to write the story faster.
It's a good thing. I am quite happy with what some people may see as a boring recurring dream where all I do is talk to this woman for what feels like hours. I am beyond content with that though, allowing the comfort of her presence to ease my mind. I have dreamed about her so much, I feel as if her smile will be emblazoned on my heart and mind for a very long time. Given my current confidence level despite my severe lack of friends, her presence is apparently serving as my muse.
Keep me writing, Olivia.
[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="287" caption="Olivia Lufkin"]
[/caption]
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Chapter 2
Is finished. I am pretty happy with the amount of detail i was able to put in it given its my first draft. I am sure I will be able to add more color when i go back and revise. Most importantly I want to get the story out and keep it fresh in my mind. School has been calling more and more so I cannot make it my top priority. exam 3 then finals shortly after are my primary objectives. Chapter 3...i am not sure if I should introduce the 2nd main character or provide my protagonists back story. I have touched on it in chapters 1 and 2, but I think now may be the time to write it so that I can avoid having to constantly reference it and fill in the blanks as I go. Best to just let the audience know what happened to him and how he got to where is is now. I will allow me to concentrate on the 2nd character more fully and allow the story to flow uninterrupted.
Sunday, November 7, 2010
At Rest
I was doing some file recovery from really old floppy disc and came across a folder of various writings I did many years ago. Here is a poem that even today I am proud of. It's a bit spooky too. Notice the date... God, I am old. If i remember correctly, this is another writing I did concerning a dream I had. I tend to do that a lot. In fact, I may just post a few more dreams that I have saved on here for people to look over and see just how odd they are. The practice of writing down my dreams is something I have done off and on since I was a teenager. I was so happy to have found some of my older ones so that I may share them all these years later.
"Wake Up My Darling"
my foggy, shadowed windows
on a frozen winter night
I peel back the layers of darkness
to view my beloved lady
cause of much disbelief
red is everywhere
a fertile life flows out
beautiful eyes forever close
the cold street beneath my knees
her face is framed
her head I cradle
my body rain pours
like speaking to a stone wall
wake up my darling, wake up
our audience stares
stone faces
sirens blare to no avail
not a voice is heard
silence
wake up my darling, wake up
3/10/97
"Wake Up My Darling"
my foggy, shadowed windows
on a frozen winter night
I peel back the layers of darkness
to view my beloved lady
cause of much disbelief
red is everywhere
a fertile life flows out
beautiful eyes forever close
the cold street beneath my knees
her face is framed
her head I cradle
my body rain pours
like speaking to a stone wall
wake up my darling, wake up
our audience stares
stone faces
sirens blare to no avail
not a voice is heard
silence
wake up my darling, wake up
3/10/97
Paperback Writer
SO when i enrolled in school and declared a major i went with (takes a deep breath) "Computer Information Systems - Networking Maintenance, Construction, and Administration". Ya, thats a mouthful.
Well, after my first semester, I am indeed enjoying my computer courses and having minimal problems in them. Aside from one bad day, I am excelling at both of them at the moment. I have a very solid A in both classes, one of them Intro to Computers and the other Computer Programming (C++). However, I am getting a bit worried. I knew there would me some math involved in writing programs which at first was fine with me. I figured I could take some brush up courses and then be able to take the one math class I needed which was College Algebra. Surprisingly that's it, no other math class is needed in my degree plan. I am having major issues in my intro to Algebra class and its quite bothersome. I don't know if it's me or the instructor, but none of it is sinking in. I will take at least partial blame as obviously I can't just pawn off responsibility out of convenience. I do admit though that this teach is just bad. He is always late and I am not talking every now and then. I mean every single week, he is minimum 15 minutes late. This past Saturday he was 45 minutes late. All this and he has the nerve to constantly rush us cause he says he "Doesn't have time" to really explain how things work.
I am a firm believer in it's one thing to know how something works, but it's an entirely different story to know why it works that way. He never takes the time to show us why certain formulas work, he just tells us to read the book if we want further explanation. Sadly, as is the case with several other classmates, reading the book is like trying to read a foreign language. Either that or trying to take a Babelfish translation and make complete sense out of it. Yes, sometimes things will click, but often times something is lost in translation. Given these obstacles, our class which started with 28 people has dwindled down to just 7 of us. That's right, there are all of 7 people left in the class so 75% of the class either dropped, withdrew, or swapped to another professor. (Hey look!, i did math!)
After taking both our first and second exam, I know for a fact I am not going to pass the class, not by a long shot. My grade on exam 1 was a 24 and on exam 2 a 17...those aren't typos.
It's been a number of years since I have even done algebra in high school, let alone the real world. Although my past jobs have included what some would consider to be algebra, again, I do not understand why a formula works a certain way because he refuses to teach us the method to the madness. Even with our Math Tutors on campus, it's virtually the same thing. They tend to make people feel stupid which leads most of us to just pack up and leave and hope we will eventually get it. I've been in the math lab and seen a tutor laugh in someone's face because they didn't understand how a math problem was solved. I felt so bad for that poor woman as she was a bit older, late 40s perhaps. I watched as she packed up her belongings and left with tears in her eyes. It is remarkably sad that the school pushes math so much (there are signs all over campus stating "Math is Fun!") yet their staff seems to be speaking another language and not realizing just how much of a negative impact this is having toward the student body.
I honestly believe I am smarter than most people, my 130 IQ proving that my level of understanding "should" be better than most. However, I believe my strength lies in words and not numbers. I have swallowed my pride and asked for help from others, but unfortunately I seem to be hitting that same brick wall each time. If we ask a question to what they believe should be common knowledge, we get looked upon as morons who have no place in college. I do find it funny though that I can write a 6 page paper in less than an hour and still make an A on it while that same person who thinks I am a moron at math can barely squeeze out 3 pages and get a D. I have never found that difficult to believe as obviously each of us are gifted in different areas. I can write vividly crafted and intriguing stories, and communicate effectively in front of large groups of people, but since I can figure out algebra in 2 seconds, I guess I am a moron.
That being said, I am seriously considering changing my major from Computers to English. I have seriously been thinking about it for just under a month now. I plan on trying to get some one on one time with my English 1301 professor to get her feelings on the subject and the major. I have looked into the jobs available for people graduating with English degrees and they aren't half bad. The first one was as a teacher. While I am not exactly jazzed at the thought of teaching children, I do look upon my English professor and feel a slight sense of jealousy. She is incredibly well spoken, and the class seems to really respect her. She is kind and never makes anyone feel like they are idiots. On top of all that, she teaches effectively and always loves to read out papers. She is a self professed "writing nerd", admitting to feeling overjoyed when she reads a terrific paper. Even those that aren't so great she still takes seriously and offers proper feedback. I have heard that some community colleges will take an English Major and allow them to teach which is appealing to me, although I am sure I would be making significantly less than I would if I continued with computers.
Other jobs listed were reporters for local and national level newspapers, working for publishing companies, and even solo writing which is indeed where I would like to go. I love the idea of being able to do what I already do in my spare time as a professional. However I doubt I would be satisfied with minimal notoriety. If I decide to go into that field, I want to go all the way. I truly feel that I have the talent to write something so beautiful that it will move people to tears or rapture. I will admit I don't really try too hard when I blog, usually just writing what I think mostly on a whim and not really giving much thought to things like sentence completion, correct spelling or in some cases making any kind of real sense.
Writing my "Anna dream" into a book has rekindled the fire I had just 5 years ago as I wrote my first serious story, complete with character development and details that painted a picture like a piece of art hanging in a gallery. I sincerely hope I can figure this out by the time spring registration starts as I plan on taking the new courses right away, not wanting to waste another moment.
Well, after my first semester, I am indeed enjoying my computer courses and having minimal problems in them. Aside from one bad day, I am excelling at both of them at the moment. I have a very solid A in both classes, one of them Intro to Computers and the other Computer Programming (C++). However, I am getting a bit worried. I knew there would me some math involved in writing programs which at first was fine with me. I figured I could take some brush up courses and then be able to take the one math class I needed which was College Algebra. Surprisingly that's it, no other math class is needed in my degree plan. I am having major issues in my intro to Algebra class and its quite bothersome. I don't know if it's me or the instructor, but none of it is sinking in. I will take at least partial blame as obviously I can't just pawn off responsibility out of convenience. I do admit though that this teach is just bad. He is always late and I am not talking every now and then. I mean every single week, he is minimum 15 minutes late. This past Saturday he was 45 minutes late. All this and he has the nerve to constantly rush us cause he says he "Doesn't have time" to really explain how things work.
I am a firm believer in it's one thing to know how something works, but it's an entirely different story to know why it works that way. He never takes the time to show us why certain formulas work, he just tells us to read the book if we want further explanation. Sadly, as is the case with several other classmates, reading the book is like trying to read a foreign language. Either that or trying to take a Babelfish translation and make complete sense out of it. Yes, sometimes things will click, but often times something is lost in translation. Given these obstacles, our class which started with 28 people has dwindled down to just 7 of us. That's right, there are all of 7 people left in the class so 75% of the class either dropped, withdrew, or swapped to another professor. (Hey look!, i did math!)
After taking both our first and second exam, I know for a fact I am not going to pass the class, not by a long shot. My grade on exam 1 was a 24 and on exam 2 a 17...those aren't typos.
It's been a number of years since I have even done algebra in high school, let alone the real world. Although my past jobs have included what some would consider to be algebra, again, I do not understand why a formula works a certain way because he refuses to teach us the method to the madness. Even with our Math Tutors on campus, it's virtually the same thing. They tend to make people feel stupid which leads most of us to just pack up and leave and hope we will eventually get it. I've been in the math lab and seen a tutor laugh in someone's face because they didn't understand how a math problem was solved. I felt so bad for that poor woman as she was a bit older, late 40s perhaps. I watched as she packed up her belongings and left with tears in her eyes. It is remarkably sad that the school pushes math so much (there are signs all over campus stating "Math is Fun!") yet their staff seems to be speaking another language and not realizing just how much of a negative impact this is having toward the student body.
I honestly believe I am smarter than most people, my 130 IQ proving that my level of understanding "should" be better than most. However, I believe my strength lies in words and not numbers. I have swallowed my pride and asked for help from others, but unfortunately I seem to be hitting that same brick wall each time. If we ask a question to what they believe should be common knowledge, we get looked upon as morons who have no place in college. I do find it funny though that I can write a 6 page paper in less than an hour and still make an A on it while that same person who thinks I am a moron at math can barely squeeze out 3 pages and get a D. I have never found that difficult to believe as obviously each of us are gifted in different areas. I can write vividly crafted and intriguing stories, and communicate effectively in front of large groups of people, but since I can figure out algebra in 2 seconds, I guess I am a moron.
That being said, I am seriously considering changing my major from Computers to English. I have seriously been thinking about it for just under a month now. I plan on trying to get some one on one time with my English 1301 professor to get her feelings on the subject and the major. I have looked into the jobs available for people graduating with English degrees and they aren't half bad. The first one was as a teacher. While I am not exactly jazzed at the thought of teaching children, I do look upon my English professor and feel a slight sense of jealousy. She is incredibly well spoken, and the class seems to really respect her. She is kind and never makes anyone feel like they are idiots. On top of all that, she teaches effectively and always loves to read out papers. She is a self professed "writing nerd", admitting to feeling overjoyed when she reads a terrific paper. Even those that aren't so great she still takes seriously and offers proper feedback. I have heard that some community colleges will take an English Major and allow them to teach which is appealing to me, although I am sure I would be making significantly less than I would if I continued with computers.
Other jobs listed were reporters for local and national level newspapers, working for publishing companies, and even solo writing which is indeed where I would like to go. I love the idea of being able to do what I already do in my spare time as a professional. However I doubt I would be satisfied with minimal notoriety. If I decide to go into that field, I want to go all the way. I truly feel that I have the talent to write something so beautiful that it will move people to tears or rapture. I will admit I don't really try too hard when I blog, usually just writing what I think mostly on a whim and not really giving much thought to things like sentence completion, correct spelling or in some cases making any kind of real sense.
Writing my "Anna dream" into a book has rekindled the fire I had just 5 years ago as I wrote my first serious story, complete with character development and details that painted a picture like a piece of art hanging in a gallery. I sincerely hope I can figure this out by the time spring registration starts as I plan on taking the new courses right away, not wanting to waste another moment.
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