Solar Half Breed

Blue almond-shaped eyes and black hair, light skin and full lips, and a sultry exotic look
An unusual combination from an unlikely pair and I am not exactly sure where I belong

Who am I and where do I fit in
I look at my skin and I don't belong where I am
Or do I

People look at me differently and they speak of my parents as if they are an anomaly
I don't see what the big deal is, but I am reminded of it everyday
I am accused of coloring my hair yet I take after my father
I am accused of wearing contacts, yet my eyes are blue like my mothers

The guys like my curves and for that, most of the other girls hate me.
I have only two real friends while the others just wanted to be associated with the girl with the mixed parents
I never understood that term
"Mixed"

Since I was a child I was looked at differently, but at first it was only the adults
My mother picked me up from school and the teacher said I wasn't hers
Her hair is auburn and red, and matches her aura
While my black locks shimmer and command attention, contrasting to my pale image

Through high school it was much of the same as I was hated for my beauty
Accused of stealing others boyfriends, I locked myself in my room with my books
I read till i fell asleep, and my father was more than happy to keep the books coming
My mother admired me and told me I was smarter than she, but I never felt that way

In college I felt better and people accepted me
I was never an outcast and I was welcomed into a clique with many other "half breeds"
We were looked upon as rarities and murmurs circulated that we were coveted as partners
I'm still not sure why

I see my parents and they are still together and very happy
They raised me to be who I wanted to be and never preached "colors"
I wasn't White or Black or Spanish or Asian or Mexican or whatever other labels people have for us
I was just me

Although I understand the prejudice, I still cannot accept it
I am not their idea of "white", but I am my mother's daughter and my father's little girl
I am not their idea of "Spanish", but I am my father's child and my mother's baby
I am only what I wish to be and not what you make me out to be

Life is Sweet

Been staying up a bit later than normal. Trying to figure out why. Could also be that I am doing other things rather than writing. I wouldn't say it's a distraction, but it has drawn my attention from my routine which is not all bad. Maybe it's good that I am taking a step back from the book for a little bit so that I am not drowning in it, although I doubt I would.

I did manage to come up with a new idea. I had originally thought to retire the characters, seeing as how the ending could have been seen as a terrific and logical closure point. However, should the book take off, I have a feeling people will become attached to them and possibly want more. I am outlining the idea now and seeing where it takes me. The plot which I was thinking about for the last few days is pretty intense. The overall idea would have my main character stepping back into his past and exploring his decisions which ultimately led him to where he is today. It's a somewhat introspective look, taking aim at the butterfly affect and making people think about making one decision over another. As most of us have thought about at least a few times in our lives, the character thinks about how different his life would be had he chosen one seemingly simple path over another. It would be something as small as choosing to go out with friends one night or something as pivotal a taking one major opportunity over another. He is eventually given the choice to relive his past and with that, facing the prospects of a very different future.

Given the chance, would any of us make different choices in our lives? I feel overwhelmingly the answer would be yes. However, I think given ample time to take all things into consideration, most of us may back away from that choice and ultimately choose to stay where we are today. We all have regrets, some of us more than others and for fewer still, regrets so painful we'd do just about anything to go back and relive our lives. I have had parent's tell me that they'd want to go back and wait a few more years to have their kids or to have their children with a different person. Many don't realize if that change is made, it could have dramatic affects on other things currently in their lives, some positive and some negative. I was speaking on the phone to a friend of mine and i posed a question to her. She has children and I told her if she was faced with the painful choice of saving one child over another, what child would she choose and based on that decision, could she then live the rest of her life with that choice? As I am sure you are already thinking, it's a nearly impossible choice. To force a parent to choose one child over another is not only cruel, but for most, unfathomable. Sadly, there have been situations where a parent has been forced into making that choice. Obviously, this choice is usually made under an extreme amount of stress as saving the life of one person and damning that of another isn't something any of us would ever wish on anyone else.

In this idea, I am posing that question and forcing someone to make a similar choice. For some, this idea may damage the character while for others it will show a very human side to them. I think ultimately it will show that while reliving life and making different decisions may seem like the greatest thing in the world, it may not always be a viable answer. As a way of thinking about it, pose these various questions to yourself. Would you have chosen a different person to be with or marry? Would you have chosen one job over another? Would you have chosen to take that road trip out of town knowing that tragedy was waiting for you around the corner, while at the same time knowing that if you did change that decision, you would never have met the person who is now most dear to you in your life? Again, I volunteer that these questions are impossible to answer for most of us. It all leads back to that heart-retching question...would you choose that other child's life over the other if given that second chance? Would you choose to let someone else die if it meant saving the life of the other if you had a chance to relive that moment...

It's one hell of an idea. Thought provoking and almost unimaginable...but I am going to explore it.