Free Today - "Last Night"

That's right. Today my short story "Last Night" is free on Amazon. It's a fast read so feel free to pick up your copy today before it goes back to it's regular price! Did I mention I love reviews? Well, I do. Literary reviews are always welcome so feel free to post those to Amazon after you give it a read. Thanks again for your support.

Last Night is Free via Amazon Prime Lending

I've decided to give Amazon Prime lending a try to see how it all works out. So far in just one day, I've already got sales which is nice. The Prime lending, in case you are not familiar with it, basically means you can "borrow" a book from Amazon with no due date. They have a program where members pay a set amount to be a prime member which is about $78 a year and you get all sorts of benefits. Honestly, I'm not too into that sort of thing, but I know some people are doing it and if you happen to be one of those people, feel free to have as look at Last Night. If not, no worries. It's still just $.99 so not like it's a massive amount of money to check out what I consider to be one of the best things I've ever written.

You can check out the book on Amazon here.

A Moment in the Sun

Here's a link to a post from my other blog. Enjoy.

http://rumblingheartseries.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/a-moment-in-the-sun/

Rewriting

Through the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and about writing. I've learned that there are times when I need to dive into a little more detail and there are also times where I can be long winded. I've slashed thousands of words out of my work since I began, but sometimes thousands just isn't enough. I also believe I've found my place in the writing world. On more than a handful of occasions, I've been told I tend to write more as a story teller. That may seem like a general term for a writer, but I believe it's not. Sometimes people write simply to inform you on certain events so that you know what happened. Other writers, story tellers, take you by the hand and let you walk with them as they lead you down the very same road it feel that they once took. So often I am asked if the events in my book are real because of the way I've written them. For many, it feels to them as if I am presenting to them a glorified anecdote and calling it a book chapter. I am ok with that.

It is for that reason that I am going through my previously released works and rewriting certain portions of them. Obviously, even after going over them countless times, there are still a few piece of the books that simply do not flow as well as I want them to and even a handful of grammatical errors. From my very first serious work to Rumbling Heart to my latest release Emily Martin, my style has morphed and become something very different that how it originally started. I've discovered my shortcomings and taken hold of my strengths. For this reason, I have decided to take on a simpler, story telling approach to my work from here going forward. In the first book, there is quite a bit of story telling, but I believe I made certain instances far more complex than they needed to be from a grammatical perspective. For this reason, I am sure that RH will go from about 220k words to something a little smaller; maybe about 210k. Still quite large, but smaller and still telling the exact same story. At one time I was going for more of a Hemingway type approach and style, but it seems that many of her techniques died with him all those years ago as some of my critics are calling portions of the work "old" when it comes to style. It was for this reason that I tried what I did with Recorded Butterflies. I took on a very different perspective with this work and I think i did alright. It still wasn't exactly what I was wanting to do, but I did it.

The latest book Emily Martin is the one I am the most proud of. I found my strengths with this book and I was able to really connect with my Emily character as she tells the story. While I felt I was almost one in the same when it came to my character John, it turns out that I was more in sync with Emily and the way she saw her life and handled her station in life. It was obviously not the way she grew up or the life she lived, but it was more of the place she found herself as an adult. The feelings that she had kept pent up inside her were something very close to my own so I was able to really speak from her perspective. I will make updates to this work as well, but only for the sake of continuity. Even after the release of my final work in the series, I think I will still be most proud of Emily because of the way I was able to convey my feelings through that character.

That being said, I have work to do.

 

Visit Richard's Amazon author page here!

The Synopsis - Emily Martin

Emily Martin will be available Tuesday September 27th, 2011 @ Smashwords.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and Amazon.

Emily Martin Synopsis

Dreams like this must die.

After hearing some of the most shocking news of his life, John Allen is beside himself. Although his suspicions about his wife hiding something were supported, he never once thought she’d be hiding something as big as this from him.

In this installment, the third book in the Rumbling Heart series and follow up to Recorded Butterflies, the way in which our story is told shifts and looks to John’s best friend Emily as she tries her best to share her insights, telling the tale as it unfolded following the months after that fateful night in Los Angeles. As Emily escorts John through what will ultimately be the toughest time in his life, she too is forced to look within herself as she deals with the reappearance of a man she wished she’d never met. As the months go by and the day which she and John fear the most arrives, she finds her life slowly spiraling out of control all while taking on even more responsibility that she never imagined would be entrusted to her.

As she fights to maintain her poise through it all, she is constantly asked to endure more and more and before she knows it, she begins to feel as if she is carrying the world on her shoulders. Stress reaches its maximum and soon she is forced to watch her best friend’s mental state gradually devolve into deep denial all while his wife slowly slips further and further away.

As she recalls the various memories from that time, she thinks about John and about how much he’s changed her life and she soon reveals what many of us thought all along. She also thinks back to the times she spent with John’s wife Olivia, and it doesn’t take her long to come to the conclusion that she didn’t love her simply as a friend, but instead, more like a sister.

Filled with heartache, drama, surprises, laugh out loud moments, and ultimate loss, Emily Martin takes you on a journey of the world as seen through her eyes, telling the story of her best friend John and how he is forced to deal with one of the hardest situations a person could face. She also exposes you to her inner most thoughts as she explains her decent into madness due to the near constant torment from the man that took her dignity from her as he works his way back into her world. As time marches on, the subtle cracks in her character slowly begin to become evident, but that suddenly seems like a side story as you are treated to an ending so wrapped in lunacy, you may begin to question yourself. Could this be it? Could this really be the end? All dreams must come to an end, but in some cases, they die a long and painful death.

4th and Final "Rumbling Heart" Book Underway

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="300" caption="What will the next book be named?"][/caption]

17k words into the final book all while I still have Emily Martin in editing. The final book in the series is already turning out to be much more than I'd first anticipated. Within the first chapter, the characters have already gone through something completely different than any of the other books. Several lines will be crossed and already they've done that. Expect much more craziness from this book as all the madness will come to a climax and I promise an ending that will both satisfy, shock, and make your heart beat a little faster.

As I've stated in previous posts, I have held back EM as I wanted to be sure that I was able to get in all the information I wanted to and so that both books will tied together nicely. That being said, EM should still be out hopefully no later than early to mid October, maybe sooner depending on how much more I feel I need to do with it. EM was last sitting at about 170k words. I expect the 4th and final book to be slightly larger; perhaps 185k. As with EM, the final book will have different perspective and views, but in the end, it will ultimately go back to John, the original narrator. He started it so he should be the one to finish it, but not before a couple of others have their say. I am breaking the book down into 4 parts and as it stands, I'm not too sure as to which part will be the largest. Probably the 4th and final part, but who knows. Often times I find while writing I tend to go off into a different direction and toss in a few smaller, subplots before getting back and delivering the main point. Any extras will only further develop the characters as I don't really like to toss in too much unneeded fluff.

The overall diction will remain middle to high as far as narration with the occasional lowering for certain plot elements. I've toyed with the differences between narrators, but with just a few adjustments for characteristic play, I doubt much of it will change.

I look forward to getting more feedback from all my readers and as always, thank you all so much for your continued support.

Chapter 4...Weird and Long

I think it went very well. It was one of those chapters that just flows out of you. I was looking forward to writing it because it's been swimming through my mind for a couple of months now. I'm not stopping though. I am moving right on to Chapter 5 as it will throw an interesting twist in the book and I hope my eventual readers will enjoy the way it explores a certain friendship. After 5, I will have a large group of friends getting together and I will see where the story takes me. That part I do not have worked out all the much, so I will just let it sort of write itself.

Writing a Dream

It seems like this used to be so much easier. I have been working on a certain piece of my next work, and I've written pretty much any scene you can imagine, complete with details, but this one is just a little harder to write for some reason. I think this scene is challenging because the scenery changes quite often, sometimes from page to page and getting into detail each and every time, while not required at this point, is something I really want to nail as certain details will play out over the course of the book. I am ripping my thesaurus to pieces and it actually feels really good. I've always worked with the aid of one and now I am looking even deeper, but not too deep as I don't want to start using words so remarkably obscure that it challenges the reader to the point where they are picking up a dictionary to understand half of what I am saying.

Planting seeds is actually easier because of the type of book I am writing. As previously mentioned, this work will explore other aspects of the characters lives not previously looked at. I find myself wanting to skip certain parts to get to those that I have outlined in greater detail. Some of the chapters are also providing more of an emotional benefit to me than others.

That being said, I have an offer from another reader to proof some of my newer work which is always welcome. I doubt that I will be offering first drafts for proofing as a ton of changes generally take place from 1st to 2nd draft. Hopefully this will get easier and I will being to push through this chapter.

No Cheers or Fanfair

Buy Rumbling Heart @ Barnes and Noble

Today, a dream that I've dreamed since I was young finally came to fruition. I have , on my own, written, edited, and released a book, completely of my own creation. While I admit I am not Hemingway when it comes to writing novels, I would like to think he would have looked over my book, gave it a good once over and said to me "That a decent start, kid. Keep writing." Unfortunately, Ernest isn't alive to give me such positive feedback, so I am having to look elsewhere for readers and honest opinions.

I know I'm not some amazing writer who is going to change the world. Hell, I may not even make you think twice about rereading my book once you have it in your possession, but I hope I can at least entertain you and stimulate your mind, if even for just a few nights while you make it through my novel. I've spent countless hours and many late nights working on the words and the text and the idea behind my work just so I can make it as perfect as I can just so I can release and look at it and tell myself that I did it. I really did it.

I cannot say how many times I've broken down in tears while writing and editing this book as many of the supposedly fictional scenes do have real life events intertwined in them, many of which I would rather forget, but for reasons I cannot understand, never seem to leave my thoughts.

I am sick and I know I am. That shouldn't keep me from leaving a mark on this world though. I keep telling myself every single time I wake in the morning that I should give it at least one more go around, just one more try. Just one more try before I cash in my chips. Just one more try before I call off the search. Just one one more try before I hear my exit music begin to play.

I am putting a lot on the line here and I am done hiding behind a fake smile and false positive emotions. I hide it all from everyone, even my family. They see me and they think I am ok, when I know I am not. For all I know, maybe they know I'm not ok and that's why they keep me around. I still cannot shake those events from December of 2009 and it haunts me every single day. It will always haunt me, but it will not define me. I want to leave a mark, a legacy before it's all said and done with. With these characters I've created, I hope to do just that.

John, Olivia, Emily, The Chris's, Donna, Stella, Paul, Audrey...they are all a part of me in ways many of you will never understand. While they all, within my work, define what it is to be human, they also show us a side which I wish we could all live up to. While we move through our daily routines and go to our jobs, raise our children, go to our schools, we all, if even for a short moment in time, wish we could be the best person we could possibly be. We all wish the person we were at our best would never leave. We all wish to be the greatest parents to our children. We all wish to be the children that we know would make our parents proud. We all wish to be the husbands and wives, girlfriends and boyfriends that our partners have always wanted. We all wish to be the best friends we could be, letting our friends know that they could come to us for anything and at anytime and never be judged. However, we all know that this isn't how the world really works.

In the real world, we seem to casually wade through our lives, looking out only for ourselves and never looking back to see the people that we've stepped over to get to our final destination. While some of you read this, you all will surely say to yourself "Well, I've never done that...," but sadly, we all have. We get angry over things that do not matter. We sweat the small stuff. We yell at our kids and our friends and our spouses. People lose their jobs and are forced out of school. Parent's abandon their kids and children disappoint their parents. Our friends get into that car even though we know they've had to much to drink, and yes...sometimes our friends lose control of their car and destroy a family on New Year's Eve.

It's been said that we are the sum of all the people we've ever known in our lives and maybe that's why I am still going. Maybe that's why I'm still writing. Although I cannot remember many things from my childhood, there is still something pushing me to write and to speak and to talk about what I cannot recall. Maybe this was the way it was supposed to be. Maybe I was supposed to die when I was a child. Maybe I was supposed to die when my ex wife held that gun to my head, and maybe I was supposed to swallow all those pills in 2009 while all those voices steadily urged me to kill myself.

I release a book, and with it, I release myself. I release all those feelings that were supposed to have died within my trembling soul all those years ago. I know that this was what I was meant to do in this life. For so many years, I asked myself "What's this life for?" Now I know. It was to think and to feel and to smile and to laugh and to hurt and to cry and in so many ways, I've already loved more than I could possibly love in an entire lifetime, but I've also died a thousand deaths.

Each night, just me and my keyboard, the pain bleeds out of my hands as I write. All of those long nights have finally produced something of value. And with no cheers and no fan fair, I present to the world my Rumbling Heart.

Synopsis - Rumbling Heart

Here is the synopsis I came up with for my book. This is what will appear on both the Amazon and Barns and Noble listing. As soon as the purchase links are available, I will post them. Some of you may already notice the updated links to the blog. While I am getting things set, the book is not yet available, but will be in the next day or so. Enjoy.

Rumbling Heart Synopsis

After escaping the clutches of his abusive ex-wife, John finds himself living a rather dreary and reclusive life in Eureka, California. By choice, he works at a menial job where he gets paid very little, and barely makes ends meet. One day he comes home after quitting his job during an altercation with his boss to find a strange note taped to his door, instructing him to check his email. Letting his curiosity get the best of him, he checks to find an email waiting for him from the international conglomerate known simply as The Company. The email offers him a chance to secure employment with one of the most employee friendly companies on earth so without delay, he replies to the email and provides The Company with all of his personal information. Within minutes, he is contacted by phone and an interview is setup. As he gets additional information about the company, he is told about all the benefits he will reap once he is employed. One such benefit is so bold and unique that is takes him completely by surprise and because of it, he is eventually introduced to an emotionally odd, yet adorably quirky woman named Anna who is also employed by The Company.

As their friendship progresses, John is forced to look inside himself and reexamine his life as he and Anna’s relationship begins to morph and change into something much more than he expected. Weary of getting close to anyone, John struggles with his past, but ultimately decides to try to open himself up to new things, but little does he know, his new companion is hiding something from him that will rock the foundation of their friendship and send him into a tailspin of emotion.

He also unexpectedly grows closer to the beautiful and intelligent Human Resources manager Emily, his first contact within the company, who appears to have only his best interests at heart. As he begins to trust the bold and confident Emily with more, he finds that she too may not be who she seems. Soon, John finds himself in a minefield of mystery and deceit and over time, he finds he must either deal with the gatekeepers of secrecy or devolve into lunacy as his past continues to haunt his thoughts and his life.

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Truth and Consequences

So telling the truth in this day and age can get you killed...but then I guess it's always been like that. While I am not involved in a situation with millions of dollars at stake, I do have to admit that while I know I did the right thing, I was the only one to get in any sort of trouble for it. Be that as it may, I am still not done talking. It pains me to see how people can be so conniving and ruthless as long as it doesn't have any effect on them or their loved ones. It also pains me to see that while damage in some cases can be mitigated, regardless of how much preparation you have, you can still get hurt.

When a woman I know goes off and starts wrecking not only good relationships, but homes where there are children involved, that is where I step back and dismiss this person as my friend. If it were simply a misunderstanding, I can buy that maybe one time. However, by the 4th time, it's an obvious pattern. This woman has no moral compass and she doesn't care who she hurts to get what she wants. She reminds me of a woman I used to have in my life just by her actions: she wants people to control.

Obviously there is only so much I can do. I did what i felt needed to be done and I blew the whistle. I let the current target know of her previous actions and what she is probably planning for him. While I am a 33 year old man and did manage to see through her ruse in a reasonable amount of time, her new target is that of an 18 year old kid; a mere child in comparison when it comes to wisdom. I was nice to him and never once spoke down to him while I spoke my peace. He, in return, was a decent fellow and noticed that I was only looking out for his own good, but as with most 18 year olds who think they know it all, my advisements were supposedly dismissed.

As a way to display her control over this young man, I received mocking text messages as she thought i sought to break them apart. One such message states:

"Yes and still he sat up with me till he thought I was ok...probably not what you wanted huh. he thought you were mean. lol again not what you wanted huh."

Stupidity is playing a role here and luckily she has little to no brain. As i stated earlier, it was never my intention to break them apart, but simply to place an idea in his head; an idea of what the truth really is. I know he has heard the same story I told him the other night before and while he keeps the strong face on, I know this kid is having second thoughts on the inside. The doubt has been planted. Sure, she may be happy thinking she has complete control over him, but i believe however long it lasts, he will always have that story poking at his conscience.

You can only here the exact same story from so many different people till you have to believe there is some truth there.

The truth has come out and if he cannot see, I can only hope he doesn't let himself get too deeply involved. On the other end of the spectrum though he may try his hardest to get closer to her now, which I knew was a possibility; after all, he is a kid.

So I say to this kid good luck and I sincerely wish you the best. I hope you are able to see through the ruse the same as I was.

Dying

When someone comes out and tells you they are dying and they don't give a damn about life anymore, it makes you wonder: why the hell are you even telling me then if you truly don't care anymore? How can you say something like that to someone and then give no other details? I am obviously not the most stable person on earth, but at least I don't screw around with people like that. That is the worse thing you can possibly do to someone who gives a damn about you. Why even tell me then? Why not just go off and die then and not ever tell anyone why? It seems to me you DO still care and you are just looking to make everyone else feel as miserable as you do because of your cancer diagnosis. Well you know what, that's very fucked up.

We've all been sick, some of us more severely than others, but in the times when I was ill at least I had the decency to tell my friends what i was sick from. At least then they were in the loop as far as what was going on. I never screamed fire in a theater, then didn't stick around to show them where the smoke was coming from. That's the most screwed up thing you can do. How dare you pull a guilt trip like that on me, then expect for me NOT to ask about what's going on.

If you want to run off somewhere and die alone, there is nothing I can do to stop that. Luckily some of us have a choice on how we want to die. Others do not. I suppose those of us who can choose our demise should die the way we want to. If you want to die alone and bitter at life just because you got cancer, then go ahead. If you want to hide it all from us, then fine. If you want to be forgotten and not leave some sort of legacy, it's your choice.

You want all that? Fine. Then go die. You want to push everyone away? Fine, go die. At least when i go I can say that I tried until I couldn't try anymore. I can look at my life and say that I left my mark. Whether people appreciate it or not, only time will tell. You on the other hand, if you think this is the way to go, obviously nothing I say will change your mind so go on and do it.

Go Die.

Acknowledgments

So since my date of release is looming, I decided to get together my acknowledgments page and I am trying to think of all the people who have helped me in getting this project off the ground and kept me inspired through its development. Some people are very obvious while others I am still trying to nail down. I am not putting people in it just to appease friends or family. I am looking for those who have offered some sincere insight into what I have been trying to do.

Looking back to the end of October when I just opened up Word and started writing with no real purpose, things have changed a great deal and some people have played a role in the completion of my book. It saddens me to think that there have actually been 2-3 people who have looked down on me not only for writing, but even for going back to school. I kept thinking to myself how awful their lives must be to find nothing better to do that to try and tear someone's dream down and make them feel as if they will never accomplish anything. Well, I am happy to say to those few people who hated on me...KISS MY ASS.

In less than a month, my dream of putting my work out there for people to read is going to come true, and to be honest, I don't care if i sell just a measly 10 copies. I will be happy to be read by any and all readers, and if my work can leave even the slightest impact, I will feel as if I have accomplished my goal. It's not often that people can see a life dream come to fruition, but I am thankful that it will for me. Obviously, any money I make off the project will be welcomed as I am still just a poor college student. I never expected to get rich off of this; all I wanted was to be heard.

Well, as the day draws closer, I am clearing my throat and hoping for the best. That being said, even if the best doesn't happen, I will never stop writing...I can't stop writing. My mind will never rest. I have accepted that. It is the reason I cannot sleep. I wake in the middle of the night after maybe an hour's rest and cannot help but turn on my computer and write until my fingers tingle with pain and fatigue. And the few hours I am able to sleep, the dreams never stop coming. They haunt me and speak to me and the voices carry on like a choir of musing. The inspiration surrounds me from all sides as if i am being pursued by a ghost of ideas as it desperately pleads with me to share it's ideas with the world.

I will always be that outcast and I will always be different from everyone else, and now I know why. I am who I am and I write what I feel, and the voices in my head will not rest. Ever. My legacy will be intertwined with my creations, and through my work, they and I will live forever.

5th Day

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5^th Day

Cherry blossoms trickle down from the sky, and the grass is soft, lush, like a bed of down on a cool, spring day. I look skyward and speculate on the clouds before me, wondering what each one looks like. Trains and trollies, and teddy bears consume my being; the light, northern breeze kisses my exposed skin. My knees are pointed up and I feel as if I am being watched, in fact I know I am for I can see her out of the corner of my eye. She stares at me and wishes her wish of carefree days and endless nights, the pattern of bittersweet days having taken their toll. Her red hair sways out across her rosy lips as the wind plucks her lavish locks out from under her hand which attempts to hold their listless flight at bay. Her heart beats and rumbles, and her blue eyes glisten with sweet delight as she steps closer to me. Finally, I turn to her and our eyes meet, and startled shivers exert their force upon her shadowed visage. Her eyes show her grief and we both know I cannot stay here like this, relaxing in her silhouette for long. Four days and six hours have passed, and every waking moment we have spent together, and every moment in slumber she has been in my arms. I’ve read her mind, her thoughts melancholic, and I know her heart for she has told me of her incorrigible desire to keep me with her. We hold each other’s gaze as we listen to sounds of children at play, our unborn child still just a dream.

The breeze picks up and she sits down beside me to show me her cruel and lovely intentions. Her theft, of such brilliant and tireless devotion, was only the beginning of our unforeseen affinity, and the loss of such a strong defense was not bitter, but a welcome circumstance. Her company was not granted, but more a luxury, a state of which much due diligence had been paid. As I turn my eyes back toward the heavens, she joins me for the critical view, and I take a breath that precludes all fallacy of reason.

Hands

Socks snuggly embracing feet, but I look at his hands

They are small, but his fingers are long, delicate

Many times I’ve held them, their grasp never long enough

I long for their warmth, ache for their company

 

His hands are my drug, shivers unhinge my continence

Brown eyes tell his story and I listen amicably

My breasts rise and breath escapes me

I pull on his shirt, he grants me curved lips

 

The moment is maddening, my toes curling under

Grasping at palms, pawing for consideration

How did I come? to this point

Rushing blood from my heart carries me to his mercy

 

I sit and I stare and I wonder

Life in his arms, those hands brushing my rose-colored cheeks

There he is, beside me, my eyes finally close

Bury my head in his chest, and I begin to feel true

Damage

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="240" caption="Accosted"][/caption]

Knowing when to stop talking is just as valuable as knowing when to talk about something. Some people do not understand this concept and continue talking to till the subject is so raw and bloody that they do not realize they have cause more harm than good. I am a strong proponent of "You cannot force someone to talk to you." In fact, I think i can safety take credit for coining that phrase.

Forcing someone to talk to you is  a lot like waterboarding; torture. If you constantly push someone and verbally accost them, they will eventually tell you anything and everything to get you to shut up and leave them alone. Sadly, this is a disservice to both parties. First, the accosted feels like a victim, and their credibility is now tarnished because they are essentially forced to lied to reclaim some sense of normalcy. Second, the person doing the accosting gets bad information, however it may be the information they wanted all along so it also leaves them with a false sense of justification which may lead them to believe that what they did was right. Well, it's not right.

There is a reason why most people believe that torture isn't worth the time and money. As previously stated, the chances of getting bad information are highly increased, and you also look like a jackass by forcing people to do what you want until they simply cannot take it anymore. Any information gathered through this process might as well be hearsay as the dependability is now always to be questioned. This also works against the accosted. Now, the torturer will become even more angry when they learn the information the accosted gave was false which leads them right back into the same method which gave them the bad information to begin with. After a time, more information will be gathered, most likely bad, and then they 2nd party will once again think they have succeed. It's a vicious cycle.

My Point?

Don't do it. It's like an accusing girlfriend prodding her boyfriend, and trying to get him to admit he is cheating when he isn't. He may begin to feel that if he is being accused of infidelity, he might as well go out and do it. I went through the same thing for years; being accused of this and that. After a period of time I didn't go out and cheat. I simply left and never looked back. If you want to drive someone away, by all means badger them with the same questions 5 or 6 different ways. You cannot make people talk to you so my advice is be more creative with your conversation. Be human. Think to yourself would you eventually freak out if someone kept poking you with a spoon for 7 years? Yes, it sounds funny, but eventually you will feel the urge to grab that spoon and gut them with it.

Blind Unicorn

I cannot write the way I want to at this point in time. I can't sleep right and when I do it's for minimal 10 minute intervals. I am awake and asleep at the same time and i cannot break this vicious cycle of restlessness. I am inspired and demotivated, I am dreaming during my waking hours and the stories never stop writing themselves. They unravel and distort, the truth is cycling through me like a virus on steroids. When my eyes are closed I can feel a presence, but I don't know who it is. I hear a merry go round, but it only goes around in a hellish cauterizing and illuminating feverishness that binds my thoughts together with super glue. I have no feelings yet i feel it all, the weight of an audacious animal biting at my strength. I'm interconnected and losing my signal, I am running in circles without a set number of degrees as I travel in time that has suddenly stopped. I've just about had it and the taste of pomegranate sticks to my palette, these sleeping pills leave me in a daze. The dreams will keep coming so I better keep running, my pen attached to my finger tips is dripping of ink and it never quits. So write on I must and face the distrust of the human condition despite premonition. This can't be real.

Chapter 22

Doesn't get much faster than that. It was a shorter chapter, but I got the characters in the position I needed them to be in. Now comes the huge explanation from her and he will remain mostly silent as she tells the tale. I am most excited about this chapter as I get to fill virtually every plot hole with a single chapter. There are really only 2-3 questions that will not be answered in this chapter so it will be a good one.

Chapter 21

Wow. It's done. Revisions will of course be made, but I got it all out on paper. I changed my original idea and I think it was for the better. I am much happier with the way this newer idea turned out as when I explored the old one, it seemed a little too sappy and there is already enough raw emotion in this book that I felt the old idea was simply overkill. With its completion, I am ready to immediately get started on Chapter 22. This one has the two main characters spending a significant amount of time together after being apart for almost a month. She has a ton to explain to him and he is very much ready to hear it. 22 will have a ton of dialog mostly from the vast amount of explaining that she will give him. I already know how 22 will end as well so this one should go by relatively fast.

Chapter 19

The big build up is almost done. Chapter 19 turned into something I wasn't really looking to do, but it turned out really well. It had the main character conversing with two people familiar with his situation and one of them finally made a real impact on him. Chapter 20 has him doing something completely out of character for him and as he does it he is trying to figure out why and how it will all work out. 20 will also bring back our long ignored 2nd lead, but she will appear toward the very end of the chapter as most of it will be focused on the journey to her and not necessarily feature her. The 2nd major part of the storyline is to be written very soon and it seems my dreams have pushed another idea into focus. Olivia once again has sent a little nugget of inspiration to me and it makes the climax in 21 seem much easier to write.