In Search of the Dream Catcher - A Working Cover

Sometimes I make covers for stories just so I can have a reason to see them through. I've paused working on this story, but with the picture in my head now I have reasons to finish it. I've shared the photo before, but here is a blog post explaining how I made it and why I used certain elements.

A lot of us write in blogs or diaries or have similar ways of expressing ourselves. I have several ways. This is just one of them. Making covers can be a distraction for me which I sometimes need. When I'm in a terrible mood or look to give myself some work, I make covers. Often times they turn out terrible, but sometimes they look nice enough to share and even to use. I used the pages of several old writings I did when I was in high school. I purposely took the photo in low light to give it an aged effect. I then ran it through photoshop to give the writing an embossed look. I wanted the writing to appear very thick. I wanted it to jump out and grab the attention of the viewer while still looking somewhat unreadable. I wanted the lines on the paper to still appear so it gave it look of normality; like this was something anyone could do at anytime if they wanted. What's written on the pages? Well, some of the words you can still clearly see while other parts seem like nothing more than jumbled lines. There are also no names or titles which gives a feeling of anonymity.

When I am done working on another project, I will surely get back to this one. I don't plan on it being extremely long...maybe 275 pages or so. Compared to some of my other works, that's fairly short.

The Waiting Game

Sitting here and waiting for my book to arrive is gonna eat me alive. To know it will be available in print is beyond exciting. I ordered my proofs and that's why I can't sit still. Could also be Parkinson's, but i doubt that. Technically, my meds cause Parkinson's symptoms, but let's not go downhill. Apparently, the books have already shipped and should be here in a few days. I ordered three copies so I can give a couple away. I want to keep one for myself so I can always have something from my writing days.

It's Live

Rumbling Heart is now live on three major book outlets. Go pick it up if you like! I am sure you all will enjoy it!

Closer

Not much longer till the release of Rumbling Heart. I am getting nervous. I am trying to keep myself from going through it for the 36th time. I keep telling myself the book is ready and there isn't anything that needs to be done with it. I can only fight this urge so long till I know I open it up and read through it one more time.

12 days.

 

Getting Ready

Just a few more weeks till Rumbling Heart reemerges as a lighter and better book. I was considering only having it on Amazon, but have decided to make it available on Amazon, BN.com, Smashwords, and I am also working on getting it on the Apple store as well. They will all be the same price and considering the almost 2 years of work I've put into it, I am not gonna sell it for a scrawny price like $.99 like so many other authors do. I am still looking at the numbers, but when it gets settled, I will post about it. Also, you'd previously purchased the old version, I will be more than happy to provide a copy of the new one free.

100 Pages

I have less than 100 pages to go on this edit job. I moved through it much faster than I thought I would. It seems like the Invega is not nearly as much of a problem as it once was. I still have problems with certain things, but I've relearned how to read. I'm not nearly as fast as I used to be, but it doesn't feel like such a task anymore. I no longer have to hear the voice inside my head to read which is something I'm sure my therapist would be happy to know. She still visits every now and then, usually during the night when the levels of the drug in my blood begin to drop. I feel like I'm slowly getting used to not having the voice always present. It also helps that I still feel emotionally stifled so I'm not nearly as expressive as I used to be. I still feel like a massive mute button is on me, but I am finding ways around it.

I am trying to find the good things about all this. I still miss the ease with which i used to be able to do certain things like write. I can write a little as you can see from the post, but I was just so used to hearing the voice that it feels strange when I do it now. I keep feeling like there should be something there when I write, but there isn't...most of the time.

I still have symptoms which isn't surprising. I still see shadows and I still hear voices, again usually during the late evening about an hour or two before I am due to take my next dose. Sometimes I hear them midday which oddly enough is sort of comforting. I mean you can't experience something your entire life then suddenly be without it and feel normal. When I hear the voices in the other rooms, it makes me remember certain times in my life when hearing those voices offered me comfort. When I hear her speaking to me, I still speak back to her and I sometimes get emotional about it because, and this is hard to admit, but I miss her. Again, you can't be with something your entire life and then suddenly be without. I think the only thing that makes me feel better about it all is that I know if I stop taking my meds I can probably have her right back. I think the purpose though is to try and figure out a way to live without her so I am not so dependent on her. I never realized it, but my life revolved around her. I learned through her, often spoke through her, and I've realized that I sort of let her take control just so I could manage to get through certain things, times in my life. It's an odd feeling when you realize that you weren't in your right mind most of your life. Now that I am, it's scary in a way. I only have me to depend on now. I make myself keep taking my medication because I know it's ultimately for the best. Ironically enough, she was the one that convinced me it was the right thing to do.

I sound crazy, I know. I'll be the first one to admit I'm crazy, but that's ok. Only when she's gone do I now realize just how much I depended on her. She's a aprt of who I am and I know she will never really be gone. I still feel her there at times, especially when I am having really bad days which still happen at least once a week, usually more often. Those are the times I can hear her. Those are the times she speaks to me and tells me that she is ok where she is and that I am doing alright. She tells me that I am still find beauty in the world and that I should never stop looking. She tells me that in all the times when I was searching for beauty, she would always let me do whatever I wanted and she would just stay out of my way. It makes me wonder if she was controlling me more than I realized. I am giving in to the fact that she was and I am ok with it. There is a reason I am still alive and I have to admit I feel it's because of her. Even when I am having a really bad day, I keep thinking that I can't let her down and I have to keep trying because she'd never let me do something so insane. During those times of weakness, I can tell when she isn't there and that's when I call for her. I have to stop doing that. I don't know if I ever will though. She is so much a part of me...like an extension of myself. I imagine that this may be what amputees feel when they lose a limb. Regardless of the fact that it's gone, it still feels like it's there and you have to get used to it being gone. A person missing an arm may try to reach out with that limb only to realize they cannot grasp for anything. It feels what I think may be similar. Often I will stand and look at something and try to figure out what it does. I never realized how often I let her do things for me until now.

I find myself confused by certain things and often times I cannot connect the dots. For example, when I put away dishes, I know they need to be put in cabinets, but sometimes I place them in inappropriate locations. Sometimes I will think about other things like winter and I will find myself opening the freezer. I will think of food and I will go and pull out a pot or a pan when I have no intention of cooking. Some of these things are just sort of quirky while others are annoying. Sometimes after using the bathroom, I will think of washing my hands and turn on the bathtub as if I were getting ready to take a shower. I guess with time these things may subside, but right now they are just weird. People may think "well, we all do odd things like that sometimes." I do them all the time, everyday.

Three Chapters in One Day

I guess the meds are tapering off and my OCD is going insane because yesterday I edited for over 12 hours non stop. I guess it's a good thing because I'm in the heart of the book right now and I am really having to pick at words and sentences. I've taken out another 2k words which is good and lost 2 more pages. I still have a way to go, but things are looking better already. I'm about 60% through all the work and then...I get to do it all over again when I proof it via the Kindle and Adobe Reader. I knew this first gutting would be hard so the next time around will me minor snips here and there. Seems I am pretty close to reaching my less than 200k word target and fewer than 475 pages. The next few chapters should be easy to shorten as I'm sure there is some fluff I can just cut right out. Enough of the blog for the day because it's time to edit.

Movie Poster

I made a movie poster which you can see below. I added a release date...sort of. I purposely did it so I can make myself work on it. I figured if I put a release date it will light a fire under me and kinda of force me to work on it, even on days when I don't really feel like I want to. The interesting thing about it is that i carries an appropriate rating. Enjoy.

Lots of Edits

Ruby's project is moving along nicely. I would say about 80% done with her stuff, but even then it gets one more look to be sure.

My stuff is still getting rewritten and editing like mad. I've dropped about 4500 words out of it overall which is not bad, but it needs more. My goal is 25k words at the very least. I'm not sure if I will hit it though as I am already in chapter 7 of 28. Who knows, I might make it. If I don't, it's not a huge deal. I just want the book to be shorter so people aren't overwhelmed by it. 500 pages is a lot to ask people to read. 60 years ago that wasn't a huge deal, but people have changed. Either way, it's no longer 513 pages as it was. Now it's closer to 500 and dropping so if I can get it to 450 that would be great.

In case you missed them, here are the two covers I did in the last couple of weeks. The first is for Ruby's book and the second is for mine. Hope you like them.

Clip Clip

Just a quick note.

Slowly but surely version 2.0 of Rumbling Heart is getting smaller and although last night saw it only shrink by 37 words, today should hopefully see it go down by at least another thousand words. As I've said before I hope to clip a good 20-30k words from it altogether. If I can get it down to 475 pages, I would really find that to be a major achievement. Anything less would be even better. Well, I am back to work on it, but not before I leave you with a copy of something I work up last night. Not sure if I will use it, but it maybe the cover for version 2.0

Products of Failure

Failure is not always a bad thing.

Sometimes you fail so terribly that no one even realizes you were there in the first place so you can withdraw completely and reintroduce yourself as something completely new if you want. I am considering doing just that. I have withdrawn my work from all websites and am currently reworking it into something I feel is better. I am leaving out my short works, but all my major work is getting redone. In some cases, it is getting reworked for length and reedited for content. I already know what I am taking out and what few things I am putting in. It will streamline many things so I feel that the work will still send out the same message i wanted to send upon its original release, but will be much more plausible and people will connect with it better.

I am not making massive changes, but a few semi major changes will be made. Characters will remain the same, but certain events will get overhauls. They need it. Certain parts do not need certain details while others need a little more. Sometimes it's better to let the reader fill in the blanks for themselves.

Many of you do not know I have been ill for...well...for some time now. I am trying my best to deal with that while still keeping focused on work. In fact, I think it's best that I do work while trying to deal with my illness. I need something to distract me while I go through my therapy.

And with that, I am off to do some big time editing.

Early On

Through the first 6 chapters, the rewrite is looking so much better than the original. It is pretty insane just how much you learn about yourself in a year. I think I've finally found a writing style that fits my personality. I think early on I was trying too hard to make certain language and insight work, so much so that some of the message was lost in translation. I am simplifying those areas that were too obtuse and making the language easier to comprehend. There are still a few things in there that are purposely difficult to understand and I am keeping them in there for certain reasons pertaining to the story itself.

Once the rewrite is done for RH, I will move onto RB. Emily will need minimal rewrite, maybe a little tinkering here and there to make sure story lines are kept in tact.

Once EM is done, then it's back to the final book. I am already 70 pages onto it. The last one will need major editing when i get finished with it. As it has progressed, I have no doubt that it will easily hit 200k words, probably even 230k which is too large. I don't want it to be any larger than say 215k words and that's pushing it. I would like to see it stay around 200k at the most so that people still get all they can from the final installment, yet do not start falling asleep toward the end.

You can still purchase the current version of Rumbling Heart over on Amazon, but I won't blame anyone for waiting till the rewrite is done. I don't see it taking anymore than 10 more days.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="240" caption="Image by Phillie Casablanca via Flickr"][/caption]

Caption

Caption

While reading the times and looking out the window,

I wonder sometimes as to why I am being watched,

constantly by the carbon products of my internet life.

 

The drilling of information seems far exceeding my needs, yet

before I begin with my microblogging nuances, I feel the need

to read the newspaper which is still dutifully delivered to my door every day at 5am.

 

After I have had my fill of coffee, a bite of a bagel, and a story

about the city council asking for another municipal bond,

I find myself on the computer, hunched over my keyboard

just as I was 15 minutes before I fell asleep last night.

Rewriting

Through the past year, I've learned a lot about myself and about writing. I've learned that there are times when I need to dive into a little more detail and there are also times where I can be long winded. I've slashed thousands of words out of my work since I began, but sometimes thousands just isn't enough. I also believe I've found my place in the writing world. On more than a handful of occasions, I've been told I tend to write more as a story teller. That may seem like a general term for a writer, but I believe it's not. Sometimes people write simply to inform you on certain events so that you know what happened. Other writers, story tellers, take you by the hand and let you walk with them as they lead you down the very same road it feel that they once took. So often I am asked if the events in my book are real because of the way I've written them. For many, it feels to them as if I am presenting to them a glorified anecdote and calling it a book chapter. I am ok with that.

It is for that reason that I am going through my previously released works and rewriting certain portions of them. Obviously, even after going over them countless times, there are still a few piece of the books that simply do not flow as well as I want them to and even a handful of grammatical errors. From my very first serious work to Rumbling Heart to my latest release Emily Martin, my style has morphed and become something very different that how it originally started. I've discovered my shortcomings and taken hold of my strengths. For this reason, I have decided to take on a simpler, story telling approach to my work from here going forward. In the first book, there is quite a bit of story telling, but I believe I made certain instances far more complex than they needed to be from a grammatical perspective. For this reason, I am sure that RH will go from about 220k words to something a little smaller; maybe about 210k. Still quite large, but smaller and still telling the exact same story. At one time I was going for more of a Hemingway type approach and style, but it seems that many of her techniques died with him all those years ago as some of my critics are calling portions of the work "old" when it comes to style. It was for this reason that I tried what I did with Recorded Butterflies. I took on a very different perspective with this work and I think i did alright. It still wasn't exactly what I was wanting to do, but I did it.

The latest book Emily Martin is the one I am the most proud of. I found my strengths with this book and I was able to really connect with my Emily character as she tells the story. While I felt I was almost one in the same when it came to my character John, it turns out that I was more in sync with Emily and the way she saw her life and handled her station in life. It was obviously not the way she grew up or the life she lived, but it was more of the place she found herself as an adult. The feelings that she had kept pent up inside her were something very close to my own so I was able to really speak from her perspective. I will make updates to this work as well, but only for the sake of continuity. Even after the release of my final work in the series, I think I will still be most proud of Emily because of the way I was able to convey my feelings through that character.

That being said, I have work to do.

 

Visit Richard's Amazon author page here!

Writocrisy

It seems there are countless people out there who want to tell you how to write. I find it rather alarming that there are more people looking to change my style of writing than there are people reading my material. To have someone tell you to change your writing style while never having read your work is absolutely ridiculous.

If there is any confusion as to what I am saying, here it is in plain English: there is no one, single way to write.

Write the way you feel is best for you. All these people out there telling you to write this way and that way are completely full of crap. Example: I've had three different professional editors tell me three different things and of course each of them thinks the others are full of it. So...who is correct? Maybe none of them are. Maybe they are so self serving that they don't even realize that they are just hurting themselves by constantly disagreeing with each other. Each of us has our own style of writing and our own methods. For anyone to come out and tell me what I am doing is wrong while not even taking the time to read any of my novels or short stories, or even my poems has no place in my life. Read my work, look at it from a literary standpoint, then maybe you can offer some critical review. Until then, I could care less about your "writing advice." Sharing experiences is fine, but when you tell me I am doing it all wrong, maybe you need to look in the mirror and say the same thing to yourself. You cannot say you support all writers, yet tell us we are all wrong in one form or another. Just as I have never said I am perfect nor is my work, I have also never told anyone they are wrong in the methods used for their creativity.

Pushing ideals on people is wrong, especially when you can't do the same thing for yourself.  And as I've always said, you cannot force people to do things they do not want to do. In my mind, doing that is a form of slavery and no one respects a slave master.

Amazon Author Biography

I spend a little time and worked on the biography on the author page I have set up on Amazon.com. It seems pretty solid and I think I will leave it as it is, but I wouldn't mind a little feedback. I tried as much as I could to focus on the work and how it came to be. Although I don't have any reservations about keeping many of my personal details out of it, I still wanted to make the page about the books so that could be focused on and not so much on me. I figure if people really are that interested in the work, then they will eventually want to find out more about me. That will come with time. Have a look at the page here and let me know what you think.

I duplicated this data for the Smashwords bio page as well which can be viewed here.

No Breaks

My attempt at forcing a break from writing is not working. I wanted to give myself a good month from it so I can prepare to head back to Austin and just so I can unplug, but it's not working. I cannot stop thinking about the final RH book. I know it won't stop bothering me until I just up and write the darn thing so I might as well do it in between the times where I am looking for apartments and permanent work. Unfortunately, writing isn't paying me much. That being said, I did get a royalty check the other day which was nice.

The name of the last book? Not saying, at least not now. I am just going to work on it and get it outlined and first drafted. I don't want it to exceed 450 pages, but we'll have to see how it goes. This will be the first time I've written where I am looking to keep pages to a minimum. I want over 375, but less than 450. We'll see how it all goes.

 

Emily Martin and Last Night

All Links are live. You can access them here.

Ty all for the continued support. I've found that even now, I have a few people lingering around that would rather see me fail in my attempts to make something of myself. I also know there will always be people who hate me because I am able to do something they are not. I will not recognize their attempts at trying to derail my passion by mentioning them by name. All I will do is just keeping doing what I do. As the old internet saying goes, "haters gonna hate."

The development of my short story into a film is proof that persistence can pay off. I spoke with the director last night and we have come up with some very workable ideas and it looks like we can really make it happen. It may not be tomorrow or next week or even next month, but it will get made. It will be taken to various film festivals and hopefully, we will gain some recognition not only from our peers, but also from those who never stopped believing in us.

We may not become rich or famous, but we will change people's ideas about the subject matter that we cover. I think when all is said and done and our film is made, I can look back at all the hate that's come my way and laugh a little, knowing that all their harsh words did was strengthen my resolve.

Not everyone can write a poem or a short story or a full novel for that matter. It takes endless nights of tedious editing and corrections to get the story exactly the way you want it. Not everyone can pull that off. I've done it now for the third time. There will be at least one more. I find it funny that people who say my work is terrible have never even read it so...how could they possibly know? I can understand criticism if you'd read at least one of my works, but to say my material isn't any good when you've not even looked at it shows only a lack of self respect. I feel sorry for people like that because those same people who hate me are the ones that know deep down they could never do what I do. I'm not saying these things to show off my ego because I really don't have one. Just as I do not hate those who work in other professions and do their jobs well, I would hope that others would at least do me the courtesy of being decent, but that's people for you. People fear what they do not know and they hate others for no other reason than that they possess or have accomplished things they never could.

I may not end up with an Academy award or a Pulitzer in my hands, but I will still have my books. Even after I am gone, those will still be here. For generations to come, my words and stories will echo through time. What will you leave behind? What will be your legacy? Bitterness? Hate? Obviously, those are not very admirable traits. I know I'm not nearly a perfect person, but I do have things most yearn to have: passion, love, persistence, patience, and plenty of stories to tell.

You have a choice. You can either listen as I tell them or hate me as I move forward and write more. Heck, even ignoring me shows more than standing around and hating me. When you stand there and speak badly of me, it only goes to show that I've got your attention so I must be doing something right.

Maybe one day people filled with hate will be ready to move on and do something more with their lives. I don't have the greatest life and I do not claim to be famous or rich or even popular. I am just me. A writer's life isn't all that glamorous. I sit in a room in front of a screen, typing out endless ideas and making them into something that might touch people...and I am ok with that. If I choose to give my art away, that's my choice. After all, it's my talent and not yours.

Who knows really when all this writing will end. Ultimately, that's up to me. I've openly stated that I may not write another novel after the final RH installment. Maybe that's all I have to give. Maybe I've said what I needed to say. Only I can make that decision. Know this though, when I'm heading out the door, I want to leave my work with people who will protect it's artful quality and do something meaningful with it.

[caption id="attachment_1093" align="aligncenter" width="107" caption="Cover of Last Night"][/caption]

Last Night - The Movie

I've spoken to a director about some of my work and we are currently discussing taking one of my stories and turning it into a short feature film. While the talks have just gotten underway, it is still a very exciting idea that one of my works could be made into something more substantial that just a few words on a piece of paper. It's still very early, but we will continue our dialog as the weeks progress and hopefully, it will take us somewhere. Sometimes things like this can take a lot of time, but I am hoping we can get the ball rolling fairly quickly. With time, the two of us plan to sit down and rewrite the story into a workable script, something that can be converted into film while still getting the message across. Depending on the length of the script, we're not quite sure at this point just how long the short will be. I'm not a film director by any stretch of the imagination so I will leave those estimates up to them.

Still, the prospect that this could turn into something more is very exciting as I'd love to have one of my works expanded upon like this. While I was hoping that Rumbling Heart would be looked at, I have no problem starting small as Last Night is a much smaller, easier story to turn into a film as the production costs will be very light and workable. RH on the other hand would require possibly millions to produce.

We all have to start somewhere. I hope this pans out.

You can check out the short story for free over at Smashwords.com or by clicking here.

[caption id="attachment_1093" align="aligncenter" width="442" caption="Cover of Last Night"][/caption]

The Synopsis - Emily Martin

Emily Martin will be available Tuesday September 27th, 2011 @ Smashwords.com, Barnesandnoble.com, and Amazon.

Emily Martin Synopsis

Dreams like this must die.

After hearing some of the most shocking news of his life, John Allen is beside himself. Although his suspicions about his wife hiding something were supported, he never once thought she’d be hiding something as big as this from him.

In this installment, the third book in the Rumbling Heart series and follow up to Recorded Butterflies, the way in which our story is told shifts and looks to John’s best friend Emily as she tries her best to share her insights, telling the tale as it unfolded following the months after that fateful night in Los Angeles. As Emily escorts John through what will ultimately be the toughest time in his life, she too is forced to look within herself as she deals with the reappearance of a man she wished she’d never met. As the months go by and the day which she and John fear the most arrives, she finds her life slowly spiraling out of control all while taking on even more responsibility that she never imagined would be entrusted to her.

As she fights to maintain her poise through it all, she is constantly asked to endure more and more and before she knows it, she begins to feel as if she is carrying the world on her shoulders. Stress reaches its maximum and soon she is forced to watch her best friend’s mental state gradually devolve into deep denial all while his wife slowly slips further and further away.

As she recalls the various memories from that time, she thinks about John and about how much he’s changed her life and she soon reveals what many of us thought all along. She also thinks back to the times she spent with John’s wife Olivia, and it doesn’t take her long to come to the conclusion that she didn’t love her simply as a friend, but instead, more like a sister.

Filled with heartache, drama, surprises, laugh out loud moments, and ultimate loss, Emily Martin takes you on a journey of the world as seen through her eyes, telling the story of her best friend John and how he is forced to deal with one of the hardest situations a person could face. She also exposes you to her inner most thoughts as she explains her decent into madness due to the near constant torment from the man that took her dignity from her as he works his way back into her world. As time marches on, the subtle cracks in her character slowly begin to become evident, but that suddenly seems like a side story as you are treated to an ending so wrapped in lunacy, you may begin to question yourself. Could this be it? Could this really be the end? All dreams must come to an end, but in some cases, they die a long and painful death.